abschweifende Gedanken // stray thoughts

I have cut myself today. It has been so long that the last cut is now a scar. I wasn't expecting that I would do this again after three years. But somehow, I wondered today. I wondered with sadness filled in my heart and my thoughts. What does it feel like to put a blade on your skin? I wouldn't do it if it weren't for what happened today. I have admitted my mistake wholeheartedly. You don't need to repeat it over and over and over again in front of everyone. In fact, you even called me names. I just put a smile on my face for everyone to see. What would the skin look like while it's being cut? I didn't care if my battery is dead even if I'm still in public. I think it's better that way. I don't have to interact with people. A lot of thoughts were on my mind. I was about to throw my phone out of frustration. Where did I keep my cutter? Good thing there was no one when I arrived home. I decided to eat my dinner first before do...

I have failed. I have failed not just one course but I have failed multiple times. Save the energy of being mad at me because I'm mad at myself already; Not because I failed but for the reason that 04 2306H April 2018  So, I decided to write this open letter last year, 2017. I was so devastated, I didn't even have the guts to finish this composition. I just left it as it is. Back then, I still haven't opened up with my failing mark on a certain course. Everything feels so heavy within me. Every day is like a time-bomb ticking until it explodes. And then there came a point that it finally reached zero. I was expecting it anyway. I knew that the letter from the University will eventually be delivered to our house. I wondered what took it so long. But, it arrived at our house. I guess, everything happens for a reason. Everything always happens at the right time. Yes, I could see the disappointment on her face but then what made me cry is when she said that, "Why...