abschweifende Gedanken // stray thoughts

I have cut myself today. It has been so long that the last cut is now a scar. I wasn't expecting that I would do this again after three years. But somehow, I wondered today. I wondered with sadness filled in my heart and my thoughts. What does it feel like to put a blade on your skin? I wouldn't do it if it weren't for what happened today. I have admitted my mistake wholeheartedly. You don't need to repeat it over and over and over again in front of everyone. In fact, you even called me names. I just put a smile on my face for everyone to see. What would the skin look like while it's being cut? I didn't care if my battery is dead even if I'm still in public. I think it's better that way. I don't have to interact with people. A lot of thoughts were on my mind. I was about to throw my phone out of frustration. Where did I keep my cutter? Good thing there was no one when I arrived home. I decided to eat my dinner first before do...

I have failed. I have failed not just one course but I have failed multiple times. Save the energy of being mad at me because I'm mad at myself already; Not because I failed but for the reason that 04 2306H April 2018  So, I decided to write this open letter last year, 2017. I was so devastated, I didn't even have the guts to finish this composition. I just left it as it is. Back then, I still haven't opened up with my failing mark on a certain course. Everything feels so heavy within me. Every day is like a time-bomb ticking until it explodes. And then there came a point that it finally reached zero. I was expecting it anyway. I knew that the letter from the University will eventually be delivered to our house. I wondered what took it so long. But, it arrived at our house. I guess, everything happens for a reason. Everything always happens at the right time. Yes, I could see the disappointment on her face but then what made me cry is when she said that, "Why...

 The friends you have at the beginning of the year can completely change by the end of it. People change, and if they aren’t improving your life in some way, it’s okay to drop them. Take many pictures. Don’t let it take over your life, though. You don’t want to look back and see that you only captured your memories with your camera lens and not within your mind and heart. Find your safe place. Whether it be in the arms of a certain person or on the balcony of Barnes and Nobles with a cup of soup, find it and don’t let it go. You can have more than one safe place. Be nice to everyone. You honestly don’t know what skeletons people are hiding in their closets. Everyone has their skeleton. Every person on this earth has something in their life or past worth collapsing on the ground in uncontrollable sobs over. Reading is so important. Highlight the things that you read that you find intriguing. Read a lot, it can only do good things for you. Writing always helps. The girl with a...

Today is the day that I will start wearing my mask that I have kept for around two weeks now. The mask that everybody has known and has grown accustomed of. That makes people happy and think everything is okay - when in fact it's not. This mask has been covered with dust and cobwebs now; But every time I wear it, people would only see the glow of it; The glow which is comparable to a diamond as if it's the brightest thing they have ever seen. But this shiny mask has some tiny cracks here and there; Wherein people could peek in the darkness that has been lurking behind the glorious veneer; So, I would patch it up with some masking tape - that would suffice. I think? And yes it did! Seeing that gloom in a blink of an eye was nothing to be concerned about; Then people would just revert back their attention to the majestic mask. Little do the people know that wearing that mask takes a lot of effort and will to do; The weight of it is so heavy that it's slipping li...

Hello. My name is Freyja. I am the eldest and only daughter of my father and mother. I am currently studying at a prestigious university. My family is very proud of me. They would usually brag about me with their friends. I like a lot of things under the sun: Literature, books, poetry, theatre, movies, tv series, acting, and writing; Anime, manga, K-pop, and K-drama; Food, cooking, baking, and eating; Fashion, designing, makeup, and make-overs; Sports, gaming, and traveling. You would remember me as the cheerful girl. Always the one making everyone happy. The happy-go-lucky and carefree type. That friend that will always have your back. A great listener to all of your problems. Always willing to help you in the time of crisis. I'm that friend that would hang out with you anytime you ask. That is what a lot of people think of me. Or should I say, what I portray to other people. Or better yet, what I would like people to think of me. I will introduce myself a...